You'll Never Find a More Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy. We must be cautious.

Dad says that is what Obi-Wan would have said had he ever visited Rock Port, MO, where we are spending the night. Dad is going to sleep in the truck and guard it with a broken beer bottle he found in the motel parking lot.

Dad took some pictures of the place to post them later, but the cops confiscated the memory card because Dad accidently captured images of a couple of midwestern thugs vandalizing the state troopers' car...while they were in it.

I've been in communicado because of a spotty internet connection at our last couple of hotels. We stayed at a neat little motel in Evanston, WY called the Prairie Inn on Wednesday night. The next morning, Dad met a fellow West Virginian at the diesel pumps. When the guy found out where Dad was from, he called out to his son, "Hey, here's another West By God boy." You see, when West Virginians tell you where they are from, they say West By God Virginia. The man Dad met at the gas station told him that his son had been sent to the principal's office for cursing when he said West By God Virginia. The man had to explain to the principal that the expression was not a curse because it was short for West By the Grace of God Virginia.

Last night we stayed in Sidney, NE. Dad talked the desk clerk into giving him the senior citizen discount, despite the fact that the desk clerk was a Longhorn and Dad's dad is an Aggie.

Anyway, I have to go cover Dad from the window with a street howitzer while he makes his way to the moving truck. Stay tuned tomorrow to find out how we escape from here.

Ontario (not in Canada)

Day One of our six day trek across the country. We got a late start, and crossed a time zone, so we did not get to our hotel until 1 am. Dad drives real slow in that truck uphill. Tomorrow, we drive through Idaho and Utah into Evanston, WY.

Mom and Dad aren't quite sure where they packed the cord for the camera, so here is a picture of Dad to embarass him.

Can You Hear Me Now?

What do you think I am saying:

1. Charge it to my Dad's credit card, the number is ...

2. Do you really think he likes me likes me?

3. And then this giant bat swooped down and grabbed Dad by the ankles and carried him away. It was great.

4. Is this Child Protective Services? I need to tell you some things...

5. Mom, please come home. I can't take care of Dad anymore.

6. Ba ba rah la dee ahhh

You can put a girl in a dress...

But you'll never make her curtsey.

Goodbye Oregon

Dad and I said goodbye to the Pacific for awhile. (That's me on Dad's back. He keeps saying he has a monkey on his back. He hasn't gotten any funnier in the past 10 and half months that I've been around.)

A Public Service Message

Mom and Dad took me to another pub and made me their designated driver, despite the fact that I was drinking too.

A California Heat Wave

I have finally recovered from the hot weather a couple of weeks ago when I visited my Grandma Karen and Grandpa Bruce. Here's some pictures:
I can make any hat look good.
Me and Grandma Karen. She was pretty doped up because she hurt her shoulder.
Here's me and Grandpa Bruce. He's doped up cause Grandma Karen hurt her shoulder.
Here I am helping with the dishes by counting the grains of dishwashing detergent.
Me and my Great Grandpa Monte watching Grandpa Bruce mix another drink and waiting for breakfast.